The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
