I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i dont even know how to be here
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
