I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
