is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
