google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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