I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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