Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
