So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
