Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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