I think I just saw someone hide a body.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
