If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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