It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
