I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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