my vag is so smooth its legendary
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
