I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
