His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
