dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
