don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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