sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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