I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
