She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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