Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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