I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
