If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
