Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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