I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
