oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
