I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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