Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
