I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
