paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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