too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
