I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
