i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
