doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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