apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
