I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
