She announced her abortion via fbk
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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