I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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