I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
