sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
