If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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