do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
