I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
