1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
