I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
