I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
