best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
