Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
