Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
