What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
